It seems to me that he is sitting at his house drinking and trying to force himself to stop loving me and i’m sitting here loving him all because he has this idea that he can’t trust me and he can. He went out as well but I came back before him. 2. He says that he still is very much in love with me and does not want to lose me, so that’s where my confusion lies. Did I fuck up? His dad left a company behind and since the death there has been a lot of family issues with the dads side. Then he came to my home and left my things, cried a lot and left. I’m not sure of a solution yet. I honestly thought he was going to say he was just dating for fun considering he would be graduating soon. Anywhere in mind? Now we have broken up once before for basically the same reasons where he gets in a depressive mode and shuts down and feels that he can’t make me happy even though that’s not the case at all. (Side note: i really didn’t even like or want to be in a relationship with the guy i just liked the attention). We were incredibly happy together for almost all of our relationship, and I the problems we did have, I think are completely fixable, especially with “Men are from Mars”. I didn’t want people to know that I had a mole. Honestly, it looks like you don’t value yourself that much.. With how he treated you, it’s not a surprise that he broke up with you..that’s not meant to hurt you, but for you to realize that you need to love and respect yourself more.. Should I fight to keep are relationship to a fresh start after NC is over or simply let it go? I say “close” because Ashley forgot to mention an important part about self actualization. start building hope for a better relationship in the future. I hope my response (to which I have had no reply, surprise surprise) helps even one woman that may read this to pick herself up off the ground (with a little time and a lot of wine, of course) and close the door on the blindside guy forever: What do you mean by restart? And the beauty of it is, being unavailable will be completely natural if you’re ACTUALLY unavailable. What do you think I should do? The kid wouldn’t go to sleep till i went to sleep each night and would text me good morning every morning. Everything was wonderful literally a week ago. The next day, I went to go get my laptop from his house and he was all over me and was crying telling me that he made a mistake. Hes been just as warm and affectionate as always. Had a completely unexpected breakup last week which has left be pretty devastated and completely bewildered why it happened. I was thinking of cutting the nc short, send him a text later this week to suggest a time to meet up (he might not even want to). Like how can you not text me happy birthday? It only lasted about 4 days before my boyfriend found out. He said that he had not been in contact with me during these weeks because he didn’t want to send the wrong signals. Still, we would fly and see each other every second week during semesters. Tell yourself you'll be OK. No matter what you feel like right now (and no matter what you actually believe), tell yourself that you're OK, that you're going to live through this, and that this isn't the end of the world. I became needy and depended on him quiet a lot. When I was going through a traumatic breakup, I had some friends who thought the hard love approach would be helpful, “Just get over it” they said. Thiugh, the whole time he said that we cant be laying down like this because it was “inappropriate” which doesn’t make much sense to me. But then I decided to come back and I stayed the night in the apartment. (I also encourage him to do the same and not just focus on me). I think that is a good idea, what do you fancy having? He said no. I even ran into him the next day on campus and he came running over to me with the biggest smile on his face and acting like we never broke up. So it has been over a month since I had last seen my ex, when i posted laat time, my ex boyfriend had texted me saying he was having a difficult time dealing with the break up, two days after he text me to get drinks, i agreed and we met up. Will take the rest soon. I’m happy but with him my smile is brighter than the sun. After having this time to think, I have a new perspective about our relationship. Trust me. But I just don’t understand. I am 24 (mature for my age) and he is 29. He is going to expect you to beg. He’s just stubborn when it comes to expressing his feelings, he rather just holds it in and deal with it internally. The only contact we have had was yesterday. We spoke normally about life and eventually we fell asleep. But you have to fight those urges, as they'll only cause you more pain. When i was leaving he said he that he would see/contact me the next week. Basically, I know things feel rough right now but in the big picture of things, if you value yourself and put your wants and needs first, then he will be more likely to value you too and become/stay attracted. I knew all about his loner personality at the start of his relationship so it never was a problem, we always compromised with things that he wanted to do and things that I wanted to do respectively. u/magnolialuloo9h I asked my boyfriend to move in with me on Christmas (he had been asking if I wanted him to for a few weeks). I don’t know how much you guys hear back from us who have gotten our exes back but I’m sure post-rekindle info would be useful for you lol. This almost goes against reality because no two human beings are ever alike. Blindsided & Heartbroken by Breakup First time posting here! (I went to Prague last week and posted some pictures to show how fun I have lol). This is where self actualization gets a little uncomfortable. If he still doesn’t want to believe you, then don’t be a victim to it. what did you and that kid talked about? Not only are we producing more content but we are getting interviews with some high quality dating experts. Please please help, He seems to miss me.. I knew my ex had started a new relationship a week after the breakup and moved her into the 5th wheel. One of the coolest things about Ex Boyfriend Recovery is the fact that we have been blessed with a lot of traffic. I’m not sure what this means He told me that the one thing he couldn’t give me that I deserved was time because of school. It doesn't mean that you are imperfect or wrong, it just means you're wrong for them. We have cute things in common and we’re always happy together and we’ve honestly never had a fight before. I went to the apartment the same evening to talk, but he said “it won’t change, we have had this issue for too long”. I remember once a bunch of kids started making fun of me because I was wearing a hoody and it was so hot outside. The sudden shock can be devastating to your emotional well-being, which can severely increase the time you need to recover. And I made him happy. I’m trying to change that image, with all of the stuff I’m doing above and by not talking to him. They all want in on the money, and they have no contact now apart from through lawyers and they’re threatening with court. It’s been officially 2 weeks now since I started NC. I said I don’t care but yeh. We had a couple drinks (we weren’t drunk though), and we went back to my place to watch a PBS documentary. Hes just made his mind up and stubborn as he is, he will stick to it no matter what. I am not (name deleted). And I’ve explained my feelings on the situation to him. Anyways, I think what I want to say with this massive comment is what is your take on all of this? My mom and my uncle suggested I read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, and basically all of our problems are in there (him withdrawing and me getting clingy, needy, and insecure as a result). A note on jealousy: if you become a UG during NC, stay one! But i feel absolutely nothing, i cant stop thinking about him. He said “I told you I can’t be in a relationship right now” I said “ok, I understand” but my phone cut off (signal) and we didn’t speak for a week. I tried to convince him to not take this decision but he seemed to have made his mind up. After you have been through a blindsiding breakup, your mind is going to struggle and try to make sense of the whole situation, which will bring up many old memories. I just don't understand any of it. You came to this website, most likely because you want to figure out how to get your ex boyfriend back. Focus in yourself, and then think about either moving on or trying after nc.. I am certainly not a posting type of person but, hey, apparently there are a lot of women that deal with this type of guy so why not? It may take some time , but there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Even though he completely broke my heart, I still love him so much, and I want him back. Although i respect his curiosity, im desperate and lost. The Premise Of My World Famous No Contact Rule- You are going to ignore your ex from anywhere between 21 to 45 days. Does he even want back, or am I overanalysing the text he sent our friend and hes made his mind up completely? Specifically meaning that you want to end it with me on “friendly terms” so that you can keep the door open. Its a new language (although everyone speaks english), and a new environment, he needs to make new friends etc etc. If you’re afraid that being active in social media will make him angry, then make an indirect post saying that it’s been a long time since you used your account because of personal reasons but you’re restarting your life, and doing the things you love doing because there’s nothing wrong with it. During our meetings he was talking about girls which we wanted to date or something. But when I started really getting into this idea of “self actualization” I had a thought. Just before he left he said “see you tonight”. But perhaps a nervous tick like that isn’t going to connect with you as much as a relationship ego defense. Two weeks ago it was “we are so perfect together ” and now its like we don’t even know each other. Nevertheless, I have identified four things that you need to do to improve your chances of self actualization. I’m not saying that at all. It has been a little over a week since then and he says he doesn’t know what he wants. Well, they think that they can get their ex back without undergoing any type of significant change. But he is very formal and it feel strange. Anyways, as I leave the country in a weeks time, I sent him a casual text yesterday of two weeks without contact. Omg. It’s been 2 days now and no reply from him. Hey guys! but it can take longer than 2 months this time before you actually see progress with him again. We packed up and moved out of state. Go back to the social media, reconnect with friends, stop chasing. The location of the new job unfortunately didn’t have many options for rentals or places to stay so we purchased a 5th wheel from my brother and built a storage trailer for all my other belongings. Our friend (more his friend, they used to work together and hes like 50) sent him an email saying hes heard the news and was very sorry. He kept telling me he loves me and wants to help me. I went into no contact for three weeks and then texted him a “I came across something you re going to want to hear about” and the conversation began friendly for a week or two. What you would need to do in this case is train yourself to react in a different way and take responsibility for what you did wrong. And you didn’t actually moved on from it, because if you did, you wouldn’t be afraid to use social media and to let him know about it. 3 months into the relationship I was offered a job out of state. (might have moved on in a few months but yeh). Its just absurd. He told me that he wanted to be around me physically but at this point in time it’s tough for him. I spent the ensuing weeks in a confused haze, alternating between wallowing in my self-pity and crying until I looked like Charlize Theron in Monster, and trying my best to suppress any hint of distress in public. 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